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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
duckhunter's LiveJournal:
| Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 | |
| 1:05 pm | Part I: Hate is the only thing that keeps me going somedays.... It starts with:( An e-mail thread... ) Dammit. -DH |
| Monday, November 16th, 2009 | |
| 9:55 am | |
| Friday, November 6th, 2009 | |
| 10:28 am | Part I: At least this is only my third Monday this week... You know you're going to have a bad day when you walk into an office, look around, and your boss groans, "Oh my god. Is that boob juice?" -DH |
| Saturday, October 31st, 2009 | |
| 10:28 pm | One less Bratoween to deal with... Well, it's over. Even though N-N-N-Nephew was grounded, he barely finangled an 'evening pass' to get his trick or treating done. Sadly, the finangling wound up with him not putting a lot of effort forth today to work on things that would result in me paying him. So, not only is he not getting paid, he's earned two weeks more of groundation. He could have gotten out of a weeks' work of it had he just rode the exercise bike for 20 minutes, but appearantly that was too stressful. However, he did come home with a bunch of homemade mini-bundt-cakes from a neighboring apartment complex... Duckhunter: Let's take a look at your haul. N-N-N-Nephew: I didn't do too bad. Also, the wrappers in my bucket were from out in the hallway. I picked things up a bit. DH: That was nice of you. N-N-N-N: [BEAM!] DH: Hmmm. I see a bunch of stuff we need to throw out. N-N-N-N: What?!? DH: See these cakes. I don't know what they are. N-N-N-N: The lady said they were pumpkin muffins. DH: Okay. Who was the lady? N-N-N-N: Uhhhh. I dunno. DH: Exactly. Since we don't know, we toss them out. They're not store-sealed, and we don't know who made them. N-N-N-N: Awwww... DH: [pulls out 8 packages] Man, that gal must of liked you a lot. N-N-N-N: It wasn't that. All my friends gave them to me when their parents' wouldn't let them have them. DH: ... DH: So, you didn't think it was funny that you were getting the stuff that everyone else couldn't have? N-N-N-N: Nope. DH: What makes you think that I, as a parent, am going to let you get away with things that no other parent does? N-N-N-N: I dunno. DH: [sighs and throws away the cakes] Anyone want a kid cheap? I'd offer to give you the But I'm not bitter... Anyway, here's a couple of pics of N-N-N-Nephew's Halloween get-up. I didn't do the high-and-tight like I wanted, but the hair still mostly works...   Clicky on Piccy for full sized 'AUTHORITAY!'. -DH -DH |
| Sunday, October 25th, 2009 | |
| 12:59 pm | |
| Thursday, October 22nd, 2009 | |
| 2:46 pm | Part I: Next time, I'll turn your scalp inside out. N-N-N-Nephew pushes me one step closer to one of the 'cides - Homocide or suicide. He is getting his school picture done today, so last night before bed we went over his morning checklist: Duckhunter:Okay. So, get a grocery bag for your good shirt and tie. N-N-N-Nephew:Why? DH:Because you need to have something to carry it around in so it doesn't get dirty. N-N-N-N:I was just going to wear it underneath my school polo. [Note: His school requires a 'uniform' of a grey polo shirt.] DH:Uhhh. You're going to wear a collared polo shirt *over* a button-up dress shirt and tie? N-N-N-N:Yeah. DH:Uh. No. No-no-no-no. There will be no dual-collaring in this household. N-N-N-N:But [Principal of School] said we could wear the dress clothes. DH:I don't care what she said. I will not allow you to become a bigger abomination than you already are. N-N-N-N:Awwww. DH:Can that 'Awww' crap and just do it. Also, you can use the bag to carry your comb or brush. N-N-N-N:I don't have one. DH:I don't care if it's a comb or brush - just take whatever you want. N-N-N-N:I don't have either. DH:[blink, bink, blink] Huhwasuh? N-N-N-N:I know I had one before I got my haircut in July. But since I got my hair cut short, I don't know what happened to my comb. DH:What have you been doing with your hair? N-N-N-N:Just patting it down while it's wet. DH:[deep cleansing breath] And it never occured to you that you might tell me that you have no way of combing your hair, even after the last time we went grocery shopping, you insisted on getting dandruff shampoo? Shampoo, I would like to add, you still have yet to use as you insist upon using your old non-dandruff stuff first. N-N-N-N:No. DH:[facepalm] Fine. Go into the bathroom and sit on the stool. I'll be back in as soon as I get the clippers. N-N-N-N:What?! DH:GIT! And, sadly, I only cut his hair down to 5/8" instead of the "Scary Bald 'American X'" look I wanted to do. Sigh. I got a small measure of happiness when I shaved off one of his back-zits when I was touching up the back of his neck. N-N-N-Nephew:HEY! Duckhunter:I think you need to use that back-brush I bought you, and we wouldn't have this issue. I'm a sad, sad man. Not an apology - just an explaination. -DH |
| Thursday, October 15th, 2009 | |
| 9:07 am | Part I: Nothing to see here. Move along. Just showing off the icon. And celebrating the fact that I think I may have found the perverbal 'stick' for N-N-N-Nephew. Now, to start hunting for said 'carrot'... -DH (EDIT: This was stolen from Krishna M. Sadasivam's Uncubed. Credit FTW.) |
| Thursday, October 8th, 2009 | |
| 9:45 am | Part II: Oh! I Forgot Something! During his 20 minute reading time (which cost him another 20 minutes of reading time for interupting his reading), N-N-N-Nephew had a great idea about how to repair his bike. Since he got the Extended Warranty for his new bike, he was going to take the tire from the old bike, and get a new one for free at Wal-Mart. He didn't see anything wrong with this, after I explained the concept of 'fraud' to him, and also told him that most warranties don't cover (a) parts that wear out, like tires and (b) parts that are broken due to owner stupidity, like his tire. He thought I was being unreasonable. I thought he'd look good in either a casket or an orange jumpsuit, but I couldn't decide which at the moment. -DH |
| 8:55 am | Part I: N-N-N-Nephew's Deathwish ... and for once, it's not me that's going to kill him. He has a new bike. However, he's still trying to bring the old bike back from the dead. I'm down with that - Everyone needs a hobby. However, the more I find out about this bike, the more I'm wondering if he needs some anti-depressants to cope with his need to kill himself with two wheels. He wrecked one pair of shoes because the brakes went out. He didn't tell me this until I asked him why he had holes in his 6-week-old sneakers. Flintstone Brakes were good enough for him. That was Edict #1 - Thou shalt not Ride the Old Bike until the brakes are fixed and said fix was proven unto Me. Well, N-N-N-Nephew finally scraped together enough money to get new brakes and a new brake cable. Last night, he got everything put on. One thing down. He comes up to me, "Can I use some electrical tape to line the rim." I thought about it. I've done worse repairs, but I figured a nice, proper liner would be better than tape. "Those spoke-nub-thingees are kinda high. You should get a proper liner." [5 minutes of 'But WHY?' and 'I don't know how' teenaged debating cut for those who are driven crazy by it. Like me.] I interrupt, "Listen. You need to get a liner. End of story." "Fine. Can I at least used the electrical tape to fix my tire?" Internal Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment. "Uh. Show me the the tire." The tire had a HOLE in it the size of a dime. That doesn't even count the patch the size of a dollar bill of rubber was was so worn, you could see the nylon support cording. This also doesn't count the assorted thin spots around the rest of the tire. External Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment: "What in the Hell are you doing to this?" "Skidding. I like skidding." "This cannot stand. This tire is trash, and you need to get a new tire, liner AND tube." [Cut for more teenaged argument time] At this point, The Ultimate Edict of Old Bike was issued. I didn't deliver this to N-N-N-Nephew sounding this pretty, but I like the way I worded this: I figure it's got maybe a month before I toss it. -DH |
| Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 | |
| 1:38 pm | Part I: I guess I'll have to try the electric start next. Been teaching N-N-N-Nephew about household chores. Now, he had to do some chores in his Former Place, but they were pretty much the same variation all the time - Spot the bathroom, scrub the toilet, and general dusting and tidying. Monday was vaccuming. Last night - Mopping and cleaning litter boxes. The conversation: N-N-N-Nephew: So, how do you mop? Duckhunter: You've never used a mop? N-N-N-N: Nope. DH: Okay. Well, you just get the mop, get it kinda wet, rub the floor really hard with it for a bit, dip it back in the mop bucket, and repeat until clean. Just like the cartoons. N-N-N-N: [looking at mop, which is special self-wringing type] How do you do that? DH: Well, first you have to kick-start the mop. N-N-N-N: How do you do that? DH: First, grab the handle of the mop. One hand on the pad up top, one hand about halfway between the mophead and the bottom of the grip-pad. N-N-N-N: [Adjust grip] Okay. What's next? DH: [Swift kick in the gluts (I was wearing socks, so don't freak.)] SHUT YOUR FACEHOLE AND MOP, DAMMIT! This one is strong in the ways of slack. I will rebuild him from his own ashes. Although I'm really second guessing my parenting skills at this point. Monday, I ended a conversation with N-N-N-Nephew with the phrase, "At this point, all I want to do to you is cave your face in with my fists." Oh, and to show off some pics ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} purrts just sent me... He assures me that these are real, and that the speeds involved were in the low 40's...  -DH |
| Sunday, September 27th, 2009 | |
| 7:57 pm | White. Why did she have to be WHITE?!?! Picked up a new addition to the household...  Meet Angel. A 4-ish year old female white kitty from the Denver Dumb Friends League. Not my first choice, but the first choice all three of us could agree on.... She's a chatterbox, but quiet and very unSiamese like. She also doesn't like closed doors. She woke me up twice last night (her first night with us) in order to tell me that N-N-N-Nephew's door was closed, and it needed to be fixed right away. I just petted her, said, "Mfhfshjfsfa, Angel, mdaearfladfph." and went back to sleep both times. Medium hair, too, but she looks like a shorthair. She's extra fluffy. Anyway, another picture in her new 'throne', right under a poster I've had for about 17 years now...  As always, clicky on piccy to get full-sized fuzz therapy. -DH |
| Friday, September 25th, 2009 | |
| 7:49 am | Part II: By Request - More N-N-N-Nephew Last Sunday, I had to go up to Cheyenne to pick up medications for N-N-N-Nephew, which I have to do until we get all his stuff transferred over to Colorado. This is moving at the speed of Government, so I expect to have to go up there every couple of weekends for the next month or so. Anyway, since I was in town around lunchtime, I called warmfuzziez, and we met at a decent little Chinese place by the King Soopers. She brought her mother with her.Anyway, over the course of lunch, we started talking about vegetables. WF's Mom is a vegetarian, and N-N-N-Nephew wouldn't knowingly eat a vegetable even if it was deep-fried (Note to Self: Take that kid someplace to feed him some decent tempura). Which led to this exclamation by me: "Do you really want to grow up looking like me? Do you really have the burning desire to have B-cup man-titties and a belly-flap that blocks your winky?" warmfuzziez is used to this out of me. Her mother - Not so much. She buried her face in her hands, eyes bugged out. She was having trouble breathing.After she got control of herself, I asked, "So, what to do you think of my parenting technique?" "Well... it certainly is blunt." I like the idea of being a blunt instrument. Makes me feel good. -DH |
| 7:37 am | Part I: They really need maxi-pads for spam... From a recent IM Conversation: purrts: I want to know how I got on the Kotex mailing list. [Wife] thinks it's funny that I get them once a month.duckhunter: Taking [N-N-N-Nephew] to a baseball game this evening... and I get to torture him first. It's going to be a good day. :)duckhunter: She put you on it. ;)purrts: :Dpurrts: Must be!duckhunter: I figured you'd be spammed like hell for three days, and then all quiet for another month. ;)duckhunter: Oh, yeah. This is going on LJ. ;)duckhunter: Too good to pass up. :D-DH |
| Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 | |
| 11:55 am | Part I: One of the pluses of fatherhood... On our way out to dinner last night, N-N-N-Nephew met some of his friends in the hallway. He made some snarky (but amusing) comments about me. Of course, I had to retaliate: Me: Hey, boys. Did you know that [N-N-N-Nephew] eats his own poo. N-N-N-Nephew: I DO NOT! DON'T BELIEVE HIM! Me: C'mon, poo-eater. The rest of us want to go pick up some dinner. So he meets another friend outside as we get to the car: N-N-N-Nephew: DON'T LISTEN TO MY UNCLE! HE'S EVIL! AND EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS A LIE! Me: I just wanted to say that [N-N-N-Nephew] is a model citizen of exceptional character and intellegence, and may possibly be the finest person to walk the earth since Jesus Christ. N-N-N-Nephew: AHHH! I'm glad there are a couple of up-sides to this whole parenting gig. I also have nude pictures of N-N-N-Nephew back when he was cute and innocent which I plan on showing all of his dates. :) N-N-N-Nephew is weak. But I am a patient forge. I will either break him or make him stronger. Bwahahahah. -DH |
| Thursday, September 10th, 2009 | |
| 5:15 pm | Part I: In an desperate effort to post more... When I eat curried beef and noodles, my butt-gas is hateful. That is all. -DH |
| Thursday, September 3rd, 2009 | |
| 9:33 am | Part I: Irony is a dish best served flambé.... California, with some of the most 'comprehensive' anti-smoking laws and poilicies in the nation, is now killing me with it's second-hand smoke. I'd sue the bastards if I thought they had any money. Maybe I can sue for Marin County.... -DH |
| Monday, August 31st, 2009 | |
| 8:16 am | Part I: I don't think this meeting is going to be as cool as it sounds. I was scanning the reservation calendars for the conference rooms here at work this morning, and I stumbled on the following: Any way you parse it, it sounds kinda cool. Then I looked at the invitees.... Nope. No cool at all. Bummer. -DH |
| Thursday, August 27th, 2009 | |
| 2:54 pm | I think I just found a corollary to Luce's Kindness Theorem ("No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.") It's said that Hard Work Is It's Own Reward. Therefore, Hard Work Brings More Hard Work. However, because there has been more effort expended, we need to pad that a bit. So, I present: The Reward of Hard Work is More Hard Work and Greater Expectations. No wonder the human beast gets tempted by Socialism from time to time. Eeeesh. -DH |
| Tuesday, August 25th, 2009 | |
| 10:45 am | Part I: In which I prove that points isn't the only one who talks to me...... although after this gets out, I think nimipard will stop talking to me.nimirpard: I have a second work computer, but it is tied up with the penetration test work.duckhunter: Kinky.nimirpard: I knew you were going to say that.nimirpard: I knew it as I typed it, and I sent it anyway.duckhunter: Well, what else am I supposed to think when you mention 'Tied up' and 'penetration' in the same friggin' sentence...nimirpard: I love my hardware, but I don't LOVE my hardware.duckhunter: Oooh. This convo is going LJ... ;)-DH |
| Thursday, August 20th, 2009 | |
| 10:29 am | Part I: Of Wasps and Men... points: "Commenting on his own experience, one researcher described the pain as "immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."duckhunter: Was that a movie review of G.I. Joe?points: Talking about one of the more painful types of wasp stings known to man. Tarantula Hawk Wasp.duckhunter: Eyup. Have you seen those things?points: I think I may have.duckhunter: Their stingers actually warp visual light. In actuality, the stingers are nearly 1800 feet long...points laughs!duckhunter: They just *look* like they're 1-3 inches long. ;)-DH |
